Orgasm Control and Male Chastity in a FLR

Orgasm denial and male chastity are two of the most powerful tools in a female led relationship (FLR).

Orgasm denial, like pegging redefines sexual roles in the bedroom. It puts the woman in charge of what happens and transforms what men often think is a privilege (or even a conquest), into a reward for pleasing his woman. At its simplest, the man must fully satisfy his woman before he is allowed to orgasm. As it becomes more involved, it could become a method of sexual re-education and sex role reversal. Making her man beg for release gives her control over his physical and innate sexuality- and of what defines him as a man.

Orgasm denial is often a prelude to male chastity and over the years there have been an evolution of male chastity devices to help women achieve this control. Male chastity devices give the woman complete control of her man’s sexual life and makes him dependent on her for it. There is no greater feeling of submission by a man to a woman than having his sex, his manhood, his masculinity and his virility tamed, locked up and put completely under a woman's control and whims. His manhood becomes hers to own. When she locks the chastity device and puts the key around her neck or on her bracelet, she owns him and he is completely at her command in the bedroom and beyond. It also can act as a secret (or not so secret) public display of her ownership.

There are many forms of male chastity devices (MCDs) available, but the ultimate aim is to lock away the man’s sex organ in a way that he cannot achieve orgasm on his own. They have many uses including orgasm control, punishment and/or humiliation. Some devices confine the penis so that the man cannot achieve erection, and some impale the urethra, something that can be both painful and extremely erotic.

There are various types of MCDs including 'chastity belts, penis 'cages' and urethral plugs. Below are pictures of 4 types of MCDs:

Figure 1 A male chastity belt that completely covers the man’s penis. Since there is no way for the man to pee, it is not really very practical except in the bedroom. Note that even though the front completely covers the penis, the back of the belt has a convenient hole; just the right size for dildo or butt plug? 

Figure 2  Two versions of a penis ‘cage’. These are the most popular type of MCD because they can be worn long term and allow the man to pee. These devices generally have three functions- to prevent the man from getting an erection, prevent him from using his penis in sex and, in some cases, also prevent his penis from being touched (to prevent masturbation or other forms of release). Most types have a lock- and the woman gets to keep the key after it is locked.

 

Figure 3  Two versions of a urethral ‘plug’. These are designed to be pushed down the penile urethra (the hole) and act both to prevent erections and prevent (or control) ejaculation. It is quite uncomfortable (even painful) for the man and generally more common for couples who enjoy BDSM. Unlike the cage, this is rarely used for long term chastity. 

 Figure 4  Two hybrid versions of the cage and plug. There are many versions of these including ones with ‘hollow plugs’ with a core that can be removed (for urination etc.). 

Many other devices exist but the 'cage' has become the most popular for couples in a FLR. Certainly the woman does not need a MCD to practice orgasm denial, but she might actually find that her submissive man enjoys (yes, enjoys!) being locked in a cage.

FLR From the Boardroom to Bedroom

Female led relationships (FLR) (sometimes called Female Domination or Femdom) is a lifestyle that can be divided into three distinct types: Social, Domestic and Sexual.

‘Social FLR’ has often been called ‘Matriarchy’. Currently there are no true matriarchal societies, but current Western societies are slowly accepting more women in leadership positions. This has not been easy, and strong women (like Hillary Clinton) are often considered ‘butch’ or ‘bitchy’.
Social Femdom also applies to women in the work force. The concept that a woman can be a man’s boss has been considered ‘unnatural’ in the past, but slowly is growing in many firms and work places. Although sex and sexuality officially (and legally) has no place in our social institutions, it is naive to believe that sexual tensions (or outright sex) do not exist in politics or the boardroom. This might be true whether the boss is a man and the sub is a woman or the boss is a woman and the sub a man, but in our society it is safe to say that the latter is regarded as a more ‘unnatural’ relationship- and one that often causes the male to feel a level of humiliation among his peers.

‘Domestic FLR’ is where the woman is dominant in the non-sexual aspect of a personal relationship, or marriage. In fact, I suspect that many marriages evolve to this type of relationship over time- and is becoming more acceptable. In the past, men were called hen-pecked or milquetoasts if they allowed the woman to take the lead in the household and domestic life. This again is likely driven by sexual tensions, but is changing- maybe to a more ‘natural’ state of female domination…

Finally, ‘Sexual FLR’ is the concept that sexual gratification is the right of women over men. This is a reversal from the traditional concept that a woman was meant to satisfy her man- usually in the role of a submissive and willing receptacle… In my experience, most women- even if they are domestic and social dominants- feel uncomfortable in a sexually dominant role. In this respect, the bedroom is the final frontier of FLR- and I hope that this blog will help women feel more comfortable exploring  and considering how to adopt this into their lives (they may also discover that most men are already more than willing); and that it will help men feel reassured that their often repressed submissive desires toward women is natural.

For me, the picture above demonstrates the sexual nature of all forms of the FLR- as the female boss is most likely instructing her male underling to kiss her shoes- a clear demonstration of submission and humiliation. And although there is no fetish clothing, no cane or whip, no strap-on dildo, the message is clear and the sexual tension is extremely strong.
It is this sexual tension that permeates through every aspect of the FLR and modern relationships between the sexes. If you are interested in some of the many sexual aspects of FLR, follow this link.

Male Re-Education in a Female Led Relationship

When it comes to understanding what women want and need, it is certain that most men have no clue. This is especially true in our current male-centric society where women are still regarded as submissive to men and are expected to serve their man’s needs. Also, in our society, it is still considered a taboo for a man to take a submissive role in a heterosexual relationship.

• What is your reaction to the picture above? 
• Does it seem natural? 
• Would it be different if the roles were reversed? 
• Does this man seem any less masculine because he is ‘serving’ his woman’s sexual needs?

It is safe to say that even for the man who might be interested in a female led relationship, there is a lot to learn… or perhaps unlearn… before he can truly fit into the lifestyle. Not only must he learn the particular whims and pleasures of his woman/Mistress, he must also be broken of the well ingrained concepts that most men have had instilled in them.

He has to be trained to adopt as an instinct that he is there to serve his Mistress. He has to understand what it is to cede control (especially sexual control) to his woman, and at the same time find fulfillment in her sexual gratification- even when he is denied his own.

Femdom training can take many different directions, depending on the woman’s prerogative. It can be mostly domestic, making the man do the house chores or whatever else his woman commands; but ultimately the most effective is sexual re-education.

Some of the potential methods of sexual re-education include (but are certainly not limited to) corporal punishment, sexual rewards, orgasm denial, pegging, sexual humiliation and even male chastity. Many of these have been discussed in other posts, but two additional tools are particularly useful in FLR re-education: the establishment of a teacher (female)/ schoolboy (male) relationship and teaching the man to enjoy taking a sexually submissive role.

The establishment of a ‘re-education’ school (or clinic, or institute) is a good way to introduce role-playing into the relationship- and introduce the man to the his new Teacher. Even if the man is older and more sexually experienced than the woman, he is still ignorant of how to behave in his new role and this immediately puts his Mistress/teacher in command. The woman might want to lay down the rules for her new pupil and back it up with a list of rewards and punishments depending on his progress.

The punishment can vary depending on the woman’s preference. The more strict might include corporal punishment, while the more demure woman might choose orgasm denial. Rewards should mostly have a sexual aspect, but designed to make it clear that the woman is now in charge of his sexuality. Rewards might include being allowed to masturbate in front of his Mistress or be allowed to pleasure his Mistress (any way she chooses).

 The idea of a 're-education school' might also help the woman learn to become comfortable in her new role as Teacher and Mistress. She might consider enlisting the aid of a more experienced woman to help her overcome some of her own deeply entrenched submissiveness. For example, many women might feel uncomfortable disciplining her man or using a male chastity device on him. Having another woman act as a mentor can be very helpful for the Teacher-In-Training, and for her student. 

Finally, another important component of a man’s sexual reeducation should include experiencing the pleasure of ceding sexual control to his woman. For some women this might simply be denying orgasm for long periods (or even locking his manhood in a male chastity device) and then allowing him an orgasm under her conditions. But probably the most effective way to have him experience loss of control is by being taken by the woman with a dildo- preferably with a strap-on dildo . (This is called pegging and is further discussed here).

Readers are encouraged to add their own suggestions and or comments.

Pegging in the Female Led Relationship

Few elements of a Female Led Relationship are as powerful and role defining as pegging (using a strap-on dildo on a man's anus). At its very basic, pegging is simply sexual role reversal, with the woman becoming the sexual dominant and invading the anus of the now sexually submissive male. Physically, pegging can be done in many positions but is usually performed ‘doggy style’ or in the missionary position.

Take a look at the picture above. Although the woman is smaller and possibly younger than the man, the strap-on dildo automatically puts her in command. How vulnerable does the man feel with his genitals and anus fully displayed for her? Her hand reminds him that she is about to 'own' him, and he will soon surrender to her dildo.

For a heterosexual male, the idea of being taken up the ass by a woman is the epitome of humiliation. It is not just the discomfort but also the complete surrendering of sexual control to her; something that many heterosexual men are not used to. It is counter to all the ideals of masculinity that both men and women have been raised to accept.

The humiliation is often increased if the dildo stimulates his prostate (sometimes called the ‘male g-spot’), which may not only give him an intense feeling of ‘pleasurable discomfort’ but, under the right circumstances, force an ejaculation and orgasm. This mostly involuntary ejaculation can be made even more certain if the woman uses a vibrating dildo to stimulate the prostate (and maybe herself at the same time).

Yet, despite the discomfort and the humiliation- the experience can be extremely arousing for the man. Why such an experience would be so arousing is difficult to say (and I am sure that not every man would feel aroused by this), but a large part is probably the feeling of total surrender to the woman that many men crave.

What about the woman?  It is certain that a woman's experience is quite varied. In addition to the physical stimulation that the woman may get from the dildo, many women get a strong feeling of sexual power and control over her man. Others may feel a closer emotional bond.

One female pegging enthusiast, who discovered it later in adulthood, wrote:

I understand: “... the complete surrendering of sexual control to her; something that many heterosexual men are not used to. It is counter to all the ideals of masculinity that both men and women have been raised to accept.”  When I first contemplated pegging, it alarmed me a bit because it was the complete assumption of control, something many straight women of my era aren’t used to.  It felt very unfeminine.  But I got over it as I saw beautiful women in lovely corsets and other outfits smiling gently, having at their fellas. And, as I started to use it, I learned first hand how much men crave it.

The man who’s going to be pegged needs to prepare for it.  And to be prepared.  Clean out with an enema.  He can wear a butt plug to stretch the anus.  And one must use lube.  Lots and lots of lube.  I really like to rim my lover first, to lick and suck and make him feel wonderful and relaxed.  Then I can lube my fingers and have at him.  One, two, three.  Massage the prostate, get him ready for the main event.  Begin with a small shecock and then change it out for a larger size.  Slip in gently, then begin to thrust once it’s clear he’s enjoying it.  If it’s done right, it shouldn’t be painful.  It should be pure pleasure.

Just because the woman has a strap-on doesn’t mean she forgets about the rest of sexual pleasure.  I touch and stroke my men.  And in one very special case, I kissed him thoroughly as I buggered his ass.

Another woman, who had a (now deactivated) website based on her own FLR experience with her husband, has the following, more assertive advice for women considering starting pegging in a FLR:

In a female led relationship… getting the strap-on is not an option.

Don’t let the challenges of the first few sessions deter you. He’ll resist and try to manipulate his way out of it. He’ll talk about how much it hurts and how uncomfortable if feels. He’ll scream like a little bitch the first few times. All of that’s very normal.
But just keep at it. Your goal is to make it a very normal part of his experience. Believe me, he’ll eventually get used to it. 

After a while… 2-3 months of getting it pretty regularly… some pretty wonderful things will start to happen. His selfish, argumentative masculine edge will dissipate. He will become much more cooperative and attentive to your needs. His submissive side will come out and blossom. He will become much less concerned with his orgasms, and more focused on yours. His erogenous zone will slowly start to shift from the head of his penis to the opening to his asshole and his prostate gland.

CFNM (Clothed Female / Naked/Nude male)

If Femdom and Female Led Relationships are the redefinition of the sexual hierarchy (women rule / men serve), CFNM is the physical representation of those redefinitions. Traditionally, women are the sex objects for men's pleasures- whether in 'men's magazines' or in gentlemen's clubs. CFNM makes the man the sex object. There is no doubt that nudity makes a man more vulnerable, especially if the woman or women are fully dressed. But it goes much deeper than that.

Take the picture above: it is probably some kind of party and a naked man is serving the amused young woman some wine. His nudity and her being dressed instantly and tacitly establishes a D/s relationship. It also establishes a role-reversal, as the man becomes a sex object for the woman; which is traditionally how men have treated women (think Hooters or “gentleman’s clubs”). To convey this additional D/s dynamic, some use the term CFnm.

In addition, his bright red buttocks cannot hide the fact that he has recently received a spanking or paddling (from his female leader or as part of the party entertainment?) for some misbehavior. This exposed memento of his disciplining at the hand of a woman reinforces the humiliation of his punishment beyond the immediate ceremony, and further reinforces his subordinate status.

Because his genitals are fully exposed to any woman who might be interested, he cannot hide how well endowed he is, or the state of his arousal. This might further expose him to ridicule and humiliation. Even more humiliating and submissive role-defining might be if his manhood is locked up in a male chastity device.

There are many other aspects of CFnm that might be used in a Female Led Relationship, but they all share some aspect of the naked man’s vulnerability, humiliation and sex object role-reversal.

Have you been involved in a CFnm dynamic? What were the circumstances? How did it feel? If not, would you like to?

Corporal Punishment in the Female Led Relationship (FLR)

Corporal Punishment (CP) is defined by Wikipedia as a form of physical punishment that involves the deliberate infliction of pain as retribution for an offense, or for the purpose of disciplining or reforming a wrongdoer, or to deter attitudes or behavior deemed unacceptable. The term usually refers to methodically striking the offender with the open hand or with an implement, whether in judicial, domestic, or educational settings.

CP is similar in FLR, with the addition of a distinct sexual undercurrent and a healthy dose of humiliation. Imagine you are the man in the picture above. Naked and bent over in such a vulnerable and submissive position. Your erect cock, that betrays your arousal, is casually ignored by the woman who is about to punish your buttocks.

Now imagine you are the woman in the picture. You wield the power over the naked man. He is presenting himself to you in the most humiliating pose for a heterosexual man. You can play with his vulnerable scrotum, his buttocks and even his anus. And you can administer punishing strokes to his behind. You are in complete control.

In FLR, CP can be used as part of training the sub (male or female) to learn and accept his or her new role; disciplining him or her when caught doing something proscribed (like masturbation without permission), or even for entertainment (for the woman who have a little sadistic streak in her).
As Wikipedia explains there are several ‘implements’ used in FLR CP. There is plain old spanking with the bare hand, which often hurts the hand of the woman meting out the punishment. But for the woman who wants to spare her hand, there is a large range of implements of punishment that includes, rulers, wooden spoons, spatulas, paddles (ping pong or sorority paddles are some examples), canes (specially made for ‘caning’), riding crops, belts and even whips.

The methods of punishments can vary greatly as well, depending on the reason for the punishment and the woman’s whims. To be most effective, the sub should be naked (or at least with a bare ass), and made to get in a certain vulnerable and humiliating pose to receive his or her punishment. Introducing a ceremonial air helps the punishment emphasizes the authority of the woman carrying out the punishment, and increases the humiliation for the receiver.

Although there is a degree of BDSM in CP, it can often be a sensuous experience, or at least sexual. This is particularly true if sexual humiliation is added to the ceremony. In some cases, the sub may actually experience ‘sub space,’ a state that is similar in intensity to orgasm but is not necessarily sexual. This ‘sub space’ experience truly is a BDSM experience, but in a female led relationship can help solidify the woman’s domination over her sub. Having had this experience twice at the hand of a woman, I can say it is truly a mind blowing submissive experience.

For many women, the idea of inflicting pain on a man (or woman) is quite disagreeable. They might feel like this is either abusive or sadistic. Some might find it weird. But for the submissive man, it is actually something he craves. It is not necessarily the pain that he craves, but rather a hard to define sexual gratification that comes from submission and humiliation.

For those women who are new to FLR and may be hesitant to administer CP, it may be good to start slowly- maybe with playful spanking (when he is naked). You might be surprised how well he responds...

The many aspects of sexual Female Led Relationships (FLR)

FLR is all about putting the woman first; and the FLR lifestyle now permeates every aspect of human relationships: from Social to Domestic to Sexual. Socially, women have gotten leadership positions over men in the workplace and in government. And domestically it is no secret that many marriages are female led. But it is the sexual aspect of FLRs that remain most taboo in our society.

• How do you react to the photo above? 
• What do you think of the woman? 
• What do you think of the men at her feet? 
• Are you shocked (or maybe even disgusted) by the implications?

Although the picture implies a certain measure of BDSM, like the FLR lifestyle, it implies so much more. In this picture, there is aspects of Goddess worship, humiliation, and devotion to woman-  all key components of the female dominant lifestyle.

Below I have compiled a list of some of the various components of sexual FLR and a brief description of what each means to me. Each item with a hyperlink will guide you to a more detailed photo/post on the subject (these will be added and updated as they become available).
This is only a partial list of aspects of FLRs- so please feel free to comment on the ones below or suggest others:

Goddess Worship:

This is the worship of a woman as a Goddess. It can be simply metaphorical or can truly be a religious experience (especially from the man’s point of view). The photo above comes close to representing this.

Orgasm Denial:

This is one form of ‘Discipline’ (the D in BDSM) where the woman denies her man permission to have an orgasm. This can be anywhere from a few minutes (during intense teasing and sexual stimulation), to days, weeks or months. This Discipline serves to establish the woman’s control over her man and often leads to extremely intense orgasms for her charge when she finally grants him permission.

Male Chastity:

This is an extreme form of orgasm denial that can be simply not allowing the man to have an orgasm (for a specific amount of time) to locking his penis in a cage sometimes called a ‘male chastity device’. Some devices simply prevent erections while others may have urethral ‘plugs’ or painful barbs. Male chastity can be used in many ways by the woman (this will be discussed later), but for the man it is a constant reminder that his manhood belongs to his woman.

Cuckolding:

In FLRs, cuckolding is the subjugation of a woman’s sub-male to watching and/or knowing about her sexual encounters with other (usually well endowed) men- or women. For the sub-male this demonstrates to himself and to his woman his sexual inadequacy and is a form of sexual humiliation (see below). For the woman it is a form of both submission (to the well endowed man) and dominance… with a little mental sadism.

Pegging:

In FLR, pegging usually consists of the woman using a strap-on dildo in anal intercourse with her sub. For the woman, this is the ultimate in sexual control and power, and for the sub-male it is often the ultimate in sexual humiliation and submission. For the couple, it is a sexual role reversal that allows the man to understand the true meaning of ceding sexual control and the woman to relish it.

Feminization / Cross-dressing:

This is the practice of having (often forcing) the man to dress and be made up like a woman. It is a form of sexual humiliation and sexual re-education (see below) that is most effective in men who have been misogynists or male chauvinists in their prior roles. It essentially forces the man to experience the sexual humiliation and degradation that he would have inflicted on the women in his life. Of course there are many men who enjoy cross-dressing for other reasons that may have nothing to do with FLR...

Sexual Humiliation:

This is a major aspect of FLRs; and often one of the most erotic!
It can span from feminization to pegging to cuckolding to corporal punishment and beyond…

It cuts deep into a man’s sexuality and masculinity, exposing him to a most intense intimacy with his woman. In many ways it is a process that eventually leads to the sexual re-education of the man. Even though many women might not realize it, men often find sexual humiliation an extremely erotic experience…

CBT (Cock and Ball Torture):

Although this is mainly a form of Sado-Masochism, it is often used in FLRs. A woman might flick the man scrotum with her finger if she is unhappy with his erection or she might use a small crop (sometimes called a penis whip) to ‘correct’ a man’s attitude, arousal or misbehavior.

Corporal Punishment:

Although often considered BDSM, this can be a very powerful tool in FLR to define the dominant female and the submissive male roles. There are many forms, including caning, paddling, whipping and spanking. In the picture above, each groveling male shows signs of having endured corporal punishment at the hand of their Goddess.

CFNM (Clothed Female Nude Male):

The use of nudity as a sign of subservience of the male and clothing as a sign of privilege in the woman is a very effective way to define the FLR relationship. There is much symbolism in this practice, but the bottom line is that it defines the male as a sex object while the dressed woman is now the ogler- an instant role reversal. It also makes the man more exposed vulnerable. Each man in the picture above feels all of these...

Financial Domination:

This is the practice that ranges from men giving ‘tributes’ to a woman to a long standing relationship where the man supports the woman in the ‘lifestyle fit for his Princess’. 

Sex Role Reeducation:

This is a rather nebulous aspect of FLR that often depends on the woman, the man and their relationship. It is the concept that most men in current society have been raised in male dominated sexual roles while the woman has been encouraged to be submissive. Re-education (for both parties) can use any of the above aspects of FLR to establish and re-enforce the new roles of Woman over man. It can also employ all aspects of BDSM- but especially the Discipline portion. Since FLR is usually a continuing relationship, I believe this may be one of its most important tools to keep the relationship clear and exciting.