Tell Me, Guy, What does a FLR mean to you?
Each person has their own version and I am interested in hearing what your version is.
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Miss M,
Before I answer your question, I think I should say that I find the many terms related to FLR confusing. There is FLR (Female Led Relationship), Femdom (Female Domination), Matriarchy and F/m- to name a few. Although each seems to indicate that the woman is leading, I think there are different and inconsistent ideas about what each truly mean.
Since my adolescence, I have always felt a sexual need to submit to women. I say sexual, because I believe it was always the basis of my interactions with women. I did not have a term for it, but just found the idea of submitting to women extremely erotic. It was only when internet chat rooms came around in the late 90's that I heard of the term Femdom. I also learned from those early internet social networks that as a heterosexual submissive male, I was not alone. It seemed there were many men who had similar proclivities, and we all felt profound shame and self doubt about it.
Part of the reason of the shame and self doubt was that Femdom women where always depicted as leather clad dominatrices or butch whip-wielding Amazons who hated men and were ready to beat me within an inch of my life; and yet, I found it (and them) erotic. It made me believe that Femdom was a fetish closely related to BDSM (especially the S&M part), so it made me believe that I must be a masochist and started to follow BDSM sites.
What I came to understand was that, when it comes to Femdom, I was much more interested in the Bondage and Discipline of the BDSM than the Sadism and Masochism. It was not the pain that I craved, but rather the ceding of power and control to women and the vulnerability and humiliation that it brought.
I have found that for most people, the term Femdom still has the stigma of being a BDSM fetish, so I much prefer to use Femdom only as a subset of FLR.
So now about FLR:
For me, FLR is a lifestyle that can be divided into three areas: Social, Domestic and Sexual. All three are founded on my sexual desire to submit to women.
‘Social FLR’ is what has been called ‘Matriarchy’. Currently there are no true matriarchal societies, but current Western societies are slowly accepting more women in leadership positions. This has not been easy, and strong women (like Hillary Clinton) are often considered ‘butch’ or ‘bitchy’.
Social Femdom also applies to women in the work force. The concept that a woman can be a man’s boss has been considered ‘unnatural’ in the past, but slowly is growing in many firms and work places. Although sex and sexuality officially (and legally) has no place in our social institutions, it is naive to believe that sexual tensions (or outright sex) do not exist in politics or the boardroom. This might be true whether the boss is a man and the sub is a woman or the boss is a woman and the sub a man, but in our society it is safe to say that the latter is regarded as a more ‘unnatural’ relationship- and one that often causes the male to feel a level of humiliation among his peers.
‘Domestic FLR’ is where the woman is dominant in the non-sexual aspect of a personal relationship, or marriage. In fact, I suspect that many marriages evolve to this type of relationship over time- and is becoming more acceptable. In the past, men were called hen-pecked or milquetoasts if they allowed the woman to take the lead in the household and domestic life. This again is likely driven by sexual tensions, but is changing- maybe to a more ‘natural’ state of female domination…
Finally, ‘Sexual FLR’ is the concept that sexual gratification is the right of women over men. This is a reversal from the traditional concept that a woman was meant to satisfy her man- usually in the role of a submissive and willing receptacle… In my experience, most women- even if they are domestic and social dominants- feel uncomfortable in a sexually dominant role. In this respect, the bedroom is the final frontier of FLR- and I hope that this blog will help women feel more comfortable exploring and considering how to adopt this into their lives (they may also discover that many, if not most, men like me are already more than willing); and that it will help men feel reassured that their often repressed submissive desires toward women is natural.
Although these are quite separate in my mind, many people combine two or all three FLR areas together. If both members of the relationship feel the same (i.e. both agree that the woman runs the household but that the man is dominant in the bedroom) then things work out well. However, if these different needs are not recognized and addressed, I believe the couple may find more tensions and dissatisfaction with the relationship.
My ideal FLR would have me as a submissive in all three aspects (with the same woman)....
.
Each person has their own version and I am interested in hearing what your version is.
Miss M.
Miss M,
Before I answer your question, I think I should say that I find the many terms related to FLR confusing. There is FLR (Female Led Relationship), Femdom (Female Domination), Matriarchy and F/m- to name a few. Although each seems to indicate that the woman is leading, I think there are different and inconsistent ideas about what each truly mean.
Since my adolescence, I have always felt a sexual need to submit to women. I say sexual, because I believe it was always the basis of my interactions with women. I did not have a term for it, but just found the idea of submitting to women extremely erotic. It was only when internet chat rooms came around in the late 90's that I heard of the term Femdom. I also learned from those early internet social networks that as a heterosexual submissive male, I was not alone. It seemed there were many men who had similar proclivities, and we all felt profound shame and self doubt about it.
Part of the reason of the shame and self doubt was that Femdom women where always depicted as leather clad dominatrices or butch whip-wielding Amazons who hated men and were ready to beat me within an inch of my life; and yet, I found it (and them) erotic. It made me believe that Femdom was a fetish closely related to BDSM (especially the S&M part), so it made me believe that I must be a masochist and started to follow BDSM sites.
What I came to understand was that, when it comes to Femdom, I was much more interested in the Bondage and Discipline of the BDSM than the Sadism and Masochism. It was not the pain that I craved, but rather the ceding of power and control to women and the vulnerability and humiliation that it brought.
I have found that for most people, the term Femdom still has the stigma of being a BDSM fetish, so I much prefer to use Femdom only as a subset of FLR.
So now about FLR:
For me, FLR is a lifestyle that can be divided into three areas: Social, Domestic and Sexual. All three are founded on my sexual desire to submit to women.
‘Social FLR’ is what has been called ‘Matriarchy’. Currently there are no true matriarchal societies, but current Western societies are slowly accepting more women in leadership positions. This has not been easy, and strong women (like Hillary Clinton) are often considered ‘butch’ or ‘bitchy’.
Social Femdom also applies to women in the work force. The concept that a woman can be a man’s boss has been considered ‘unnatural’ in the past, but slowly is growing in many firms and work places. Although sex and sexuality officially (and legally) has no place in our social institutions, it is naive to believe that sexual tensions (or outright sex) do not exist in politics or the boardroom. This might be true whether the boss is a man and the sub is a woman or the boss is a woman and the sub a man, but in our society it is safe to say that the latter is regarded as a more ‘unnatural’ relationship- and one that often causes the male to feel a level of humiliation among his peers.
‘Domestic FLR’ is where the woman is dominant in the non-sexual aspect of a personal relationship, or marriage. In fact, I suspect that many marriages evolve to this type of relationship over time- and is becoming more acceptable. In the past, men were called hen-pecked or milquetoasts if they allowed the woman to take the lead in the household and domestic life. This again is likely driven by sexual tensions, but is changing- maybe to a more ‘natural’ state of female domination…
Finally, ‘Sexual FLR’ is the concept that sexual gratification is the right of women over men. This is a reversal from the traditional concept that a woman was meant to satisfy her man- usually in the role of a submissive and willing receptacle… In my experience, most women- even if they are domestic and social dominants- feel uncomfortable in a sexually dominant role. In this respect, the bedroom is the final frontier of FLR- and I hope that this blog will help women feel more comfortable exploring and considering how to adopt this into their lives (they may also discover that many, if not most, men like me are already more than willing); and that it will help men feel reassured that their often repressed submissive desires toward women is natural.
Although these are quite separate in my mind, many people combine two or all three FLR areas together. If both members of the relationship feel the same (i.e. both agree that the woman runs the household but that the man is dominant in the bedroom) then things work out well. However, if these different needs are not recognized and addressed, I believe the couple may find more tensions and dissatisfaction with the relationship.
My ideal FLR would have me as a submissive in all three aspects (with the same woman)....
Respectfully,
Guy
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